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Breaking the
rules
Family therapist Robert Subby after
years of working with the families of addicts found that
such families were characterised by the following rules:
it is not okay to talk about problems
feelings should not be expressed openly
communication is best if indirect, with one person
acting as the messenger between two others
be strong, good, right and perfect
make us proud
don't be selfish
do as I say not as I do
it is not okay to play and have fun
don't rock the boat.
In their challenging book The
Addictive Organisation - Why we overwork, cover up, pick
up the pieces, please the boss and perpetuate sick
organisations authors Wilson-Schaef and Fassel claim
that these same rules are alive and well in most
organisations. Addictive rules are as bad for business
as they are for families. Suppressing our emotions and
opinions not only stifles our humanity, health and
relationships but actually leads to extremely poor
decision making. This is true on both a personal and a
group level. People who have shut down their abilities
to feel, be true to themselves, know and follow their
own desires, speak the truth, play and have fun, have
also shut down their initiative, creativity, energy and
ability to relate at maximum capacity. More than that,
when we bring these things into relationships and groups
we run the risk of creating "group think".
Irvine Janis, by reviewing the
decision making behind a number of major military
disasters found that in every group he studied several
members believed the decision the group adopted was
wrong. They, however, at no time ever dared to stand
their ground and openly disagree. Instead they obeyed
the rules of addictive systems doing what others
expected, not rocking the boat, denying their own needs,
insight, truth and emotions and avoiding direct
communication about the problems.
This dynamic is endemic in business.
It costs decision makers billions of dollars annually.
What is worse is that the rules are so well entrenched
that very few people dare to break them. The cost in
terms of human suffering and business bungling is
enormous but so usual that we have come to think of it
as normal. Unfortunately, this means that those with the
sanity to break the rules are usually seen as trouble
makers and are quickly exited, leaving nobody with the
courage to speak the truth, do the sane thing and
improve decision making, relationship and performance.
To change this system requires
radically different thinking. It requires leaders giving
themselves and their people permission to break the
rules. When leaders do this, organisations come to life.
People have energy, purpose, life and fun, which they
can direct toward meaningful goals, discussing the
problems and issues openly as and when they arise.
Copyright
ã Margot
Cairnes
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