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Gurus,
trainers, leaders and stars
by Margot Cairnes
As a society we love stars. We never
tire of new photos and bits of gossip about Princess
Diana, Bruce Willis or Pavarotti. Even business leaders
such as Lee Iacocca, Donald Trump and Bill Gates have
reinvented themselves as stars. As a society we have
awarded star status to spiritual elders such as the
Dalai Lama and the Pope (Time magazine's 1995 Man of the
Year). In success or failure stars are people on whom we
can focus our attention, project our dreams and through
whom we can live vicariously. We can talk about stars to
anyone, anytime, discussing the most intimate details of
their lives, freely voicing our opinions and judgments
with impunity.
Stars don't just parade before us on movie screens but,
through the wonder of television, join us in the
intimacy of our own home. Fame somehow makes stars
public property, they are ours to do with as we please
and we are generally pleased to use them as a
distraction from the reality of our own lives. How much
more interesting (and less threatening) to discuss the
marriage difficulties of our favourite stars than to
face issues in our own relationships. How much more
exciting to discuss the faults or ideological failings
of a world leader than to notice and work to overcome
our own weaknesses. How much easier to idolise a star
than to have, and work towards fulfilling, our own
dreams. Stars provide us with entertainment. Making our
lives, organisations and communities work provides us
with challenges and demands our effort, growth and
commitment.
Yet I can't help but ask if comfort, ease and
nonthreatening excitement is doing us a lot of good.
Talking recently to an expert on stress management I was
appalled to hear about the epidemics of exhaustion,
depression and addiction that plague us as a society.
With divorce being more common than monogamy and
loneliness raging at plague proportions it seems that
the day-to-day reality of our lives isn't all that
attractive. Perhaps the distraction provided by stars
helps make hardship bearable.
Corporate and leadership training courses are based on
this understanding. While people claim that they go to
training courses to learn, the way most courses are run
and evaluated is much more about entertainment than
about real learning.
But think about it honestly, have the leaders who had
the biggest impact on your learning, growth and
happiness been feel-good showpeople or were they more
down-to-earth folk who expected you to give your best
and aim high for your own good and that of the team?
Think of the really memorable and effective learning
experiences in your life - my guess is they were
anything but pleasant. It's in our failures, mistakes
and misjudgments that most of us learn our truest and
most enduring lessons. It's when the reality of our own
failings speaks too loudly for us to ignore that we
generally are prepared to put in the hard work of really
stretching ourselves to new heights. And that stretching
is so often boring, routine and taxing. Ask Kieran
Perkins if the thousands of hours of lap training feel
good. Ask Placido Domingo if he really enjoys the hours
of voice training. Ask any business leader if he or she
enjoyed the times when their risks didn't pay off and
they had to explain the failure to bosses, shareholders,
staff and colleagues.
The boring reality of our own lives is so full of rich
lessons and yet while ever we focus our attention
outward we miss the real gems. By keeping ourselves
distracted we miss so much. It is in our interactions
with our partners, our children and our parents that we
hear the lessons we most need and least want to learn.
Our bosses, colleagues, staff and customers provide us
with the challenges no course could ever offer. Our
enemies and competitors offer us rich lessons in
forgiveness, patience and wisdom. And yet we are often
far too busy to notice the lessons our lives provide us
so abundantly. We want to be shown, taught, led,
entertained and distracted. We want lively interesting
other-centred discussion. We want stars, gurus, leaders
and trainers and yet life has given us everything we
need to be all these things for ourselves.
Copyright
ã Margot
Cairnes
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